Galaxy 5000: Deep Thoughts in the 51st Century

Hey Gang! LeRoy here. I just wanted to share with you my post play through / post episode thoughts about the classic NES game Galaxy 5000. Like most of you, I remember playing the majority of these retro games with siblings, friends, cousins, that smelly kid who lived next door and maybe even your parents when no one else was around to play. But no matter whom you played with, the memories and fun stuck with you for ages.

UNLESS THAT GAME WAS CALLED GALAXY 5000!

If it was, then an eternal Blood feud forged in the fires of hell broke loose throughout the land (aka: my parents small living-room).

I’ll use playing with my three brothers as an example. On Saturday mornings we would awake and immediately turn on the CRT TV and start the 8-buit ritual, and some of these days we would attempt to play and beat Galaxy 5000. The play session would usually start off fine, with the promise of us putting our strategic differences aside and working together to finally beat this game. As the Supreme Leader (The Oldest), I always went first since that was my birthright. (YOU KNOW ITS TRUE!) Unfortunately, after what would feel like an eternity (or 10 minutes) we would start to get frustrated with each other.

It would start off as a playful banter like “Nice Job on missing the Jump” or “Wow, you really are the king of suck”, but sometimes it would quickly devolve into revenge and espionage. For example: One of my brothers was particularly mad at JUST me for some reason I can’t recall at the moment (he was probably just being a baby), but I remember his face. FUMING RAGE. As I was trying to navigate my way through the final earth level, which was the farthest we’ve EVER gotten BTW, I was running out of time. Now, like we said in the podcast if you run out of time the track dissolves and you die. But I was so close! As my timer was counting down from 10 on the final lap I knew I was going to do it! We were going to Mars and experience a brand new level! HISTORY was going to be made in the Warner living room!

My brother (who was still seething with anger) jumped up and grabbed the controller. “HA!!” he shouted. He made the spaceship jump off the edge of the map, and I ran out of time.

In what felt like slow motion, I yelled "Noooooooooo!"

My ship explodes! The screen jumped to the silly reset level song. We just look at each other in silence. Then he ran off to his room while flipping me off. He may have only been 8 years old but in my defense he was very fast and caught me off guard, and no doubt I could have taken him in a fair fight.

I don’t think I ever tried played the game after that incident. But thanks to Rom Of The Week I got to relive the hell that was Galaxy 5000 and finally put this White Whale (or Black Elephant?) to rest.

OH YEAH! NOW I remember why my brother was so mad! Earlier in this play session I told him that a secret was just outside the map screen, and all he had to do was jump off screen.

BUT There was no secret. He did it. He Died, and I laughed like a hyena.

This Happened TWICE.

Yup. I totally deserved it…

Still the supreme leader though.

 

-LeRoy W.

 

An all-fruit diet doesn’t work.

Perhaps I made the mistake of eating whole bananas and peaches instead of paying $533 for a trendy 3-day Malibu juice cleanse. Either way, I don’t know how our protagonist from Hudson’s Adventure Island, Master Higgins, consumes only fruit and still keeps his party animal-figure. When I tried the all-fruit diet, I lost half of my body weight and experienced routine random collapsing. Was it the milk he drank? But we discussed where that would come from, and it was either a Pooter pig or a coyote. I tried to milk them, but every time I touched one I would DIE. You tell me where I can get milk from either one of those pixelated mammals and I will try the MH Diet again. 

BTW - the most likely source of the milk we didn’t discuss was a coconut. That would make too much sense in a world where a coyote runs upright and an octopus pronks 50 feet out of water while changing color after being tomahawked.

- GRANT 

Episode 3 -- Mission Impossible (NES)

The famed "second take" episode!  We had a pretty funny snafu recording the first take of this episode, and predictably, it's all my fault.  If you want to see the true face of human pain and misery, jump in a time machine, put on your invisibility cloak and sneak into the RotW studio and watch our faces when we did our listen down after we recorded the first time.  Then enjoy watching us figure out that we accidentally recorded an entire episode through the webcam microphone on my laptop!  Huzzah!

I actually think the second go around turned out a little better than the first.  Sure, we lost that energy you only get the first time you do a show, but we seemed more on point and more focused.  It's a good episode.  Take a listen!

MEDICAL ADVICE FOR SNEAK KING

In response to Ian Golding’s post, where he viewed the land of SNEAK KING through the harsh truth of a Steinbeck-era lens, I feel I need to address a real world symptom of this game, which is NAUSEA.

(WebMD definition)

We here at ROM of the Week truly mean well and we want to share our experiences with you, and that also means doing so in a responsible manner.

Please bear in mind that referencing nausea is by no means a commentary on the food Burger King serves. Sometimes, it can be quite adequate. Providing you with the resources to identify and combat nausea is simply our way of ensuring that listeners remain healthy and able to identify any irregularities that will most likely occur should they decide to play this game. While we may not be doctors podcasting about doctor things, we’re always looking out for the well being of our listeners, and this is a big reason we decide to play games like SNEAK KING, so you don’t have to.

- GRANT

Final thoughts on Sneak King

Ian here.

You know, we talked an awful lot about the universe of "Sneak King" during the episode, about how the King was a malevolent sovereign who doled out hamburgers to his subjects, who had lost either their will to feed themselves or their ability to, and I stand by my comments.  What's stuck with me since is the question of how exactly the world of Sneak King came to be:  was it a slow burn, or was there a flashpoint?  A moment that all the King's unwilling subjects remember at the back of their malnourished minds where everything changed for the worse.  Do the King's subjects even have the capacity to remember what life was like BEFORE their regent delivered them food?

What was the first sighting of the King like for a member of the populace?   I mean, through whatever means, you've lost the ability to feed yourself and you pass out from hunger every couple minutes.  You KNOW death is near.  It has to be.  You went to high school, you understand the human body. Then, out of nowhere, you're carrying a box from your house to the moving van and back again, you do this repeatedly, without reason.  You don't have a memory of when it started, and you have no concept of this task being completed.  You simply know it IS.  You're walking up the ramp and BOOM!  Out of a box jumps a giant-headed royal freak who does a little dance before handing you... Burger King.  Of course your mouth waters... your body aches for food, for something to keep it alive, but it's fucking BURGER KING.  It's a greasy burger that you never had a good memory of.   You have to eat it, though!  You must!  Your very instincts will not allow you to refuse.  So you eat it, and for a terrible second, while you bite into it and mayonnaise squirts into the back of your throat, you make eye contact with the death mask atop the creepy figure smiling at you, and you hope that death takes you in your sleep, so you can finally be free. But there is no release.  You pick up the box, and you return to your task.  Back to the house. Back to the moving truck.  Back to the house.

Who's hungry?

 

 

 

Episode 2 -- Sneak King!

We get our creep on in more ways than one.  You guessed it, we're playing through 2006's Sneak King for the Xbox 360.   It's the classic story of a benevolent corporate mascot overcoming all odds, throwing aside societal norms, and pursing the only thing that truly makes him happy: sneaking up on mindless automatons and shoving fast food in their mouths.

Demosode 1.5 -- What's Next

We know you all can't wait to find out what game your holy trinity will be playing this week, so check out this week's "Demosode."  That's right!  Every Monday, we'll be releasing one of these quick, demo episodes where we'll announce what game we'll be playing through this week.  So check it out, and come back Wednesday for the next episode!

 

 

Episode 0 released!

After months of playing games, recording, editing, re-recording, re-editing, and re-re-re-rerecording, we're proud to announce that our "zero episode" is live!  It's just a quick, 5 minute opportunity to get to know us and hear more about the show.   We'll be dropping out first proper episode on Monday, May 8th, so make sure to subscribe, because let's be honest, you'll forget.   You know what would be awesome, too?  Rate and review us on itunes.  It helps us out a ton!